You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
