You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
