take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
