I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize