As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
