There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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