she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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