You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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