True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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