Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
