Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
