When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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