I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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