I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
