Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My balls are so social today.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
