its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
