i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
