Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
