I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
