It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
