I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
