I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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