just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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