I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
