He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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