Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
