theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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