You just made me feel so damn special
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
