I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
