So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
