The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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