What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
