if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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