i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
