he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
