Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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