I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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