just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
