oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
