wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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