I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
