I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
