does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
