We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
