You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
