The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
