I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
there is glitter all over my balls
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
