If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
