How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
