Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
