And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
