They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
