i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
