I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
