i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
