Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
