all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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