Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He is an equal opportunity slut.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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