How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
