I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
