I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
