D3 body, D1 cock
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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