I wannas sexs uuuuu
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
