positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
