Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
