he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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