there's paper in my vomit.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
