she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
