Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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