I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
it hurts more in the daytime
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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