There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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