I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
