He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
