You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize