I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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