Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
