so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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