i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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