I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize