I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
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