That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
