I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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