New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I think my moral compass just broke
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