i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
