just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
