I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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