I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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