where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
